My dear man, you have created a public nusiance.

Today as I was driving, I pulled up behind a mint green Cadillac and my world was turned upside-down. The D.C. license plate was modified in a way that it made those "Art Cars" look sensible and demure. For right there where "Taxation Without Representation" should have been was . . . a ticker. As in, a sports-arena-esque, scrolling, pixilated red dot message ticker. On a license plate. Displaying the proclamation:



No one is too small for God's love, no problem is too big for God's power.



Well, that's jim dandy if you feel that way; it's wonderful if you are consumed with zeal. Free speech and all that... But a ticker? On a license plate?!?



I have many problems with this, not the least of which is the fact that this man is undoubtedly involved enough with some church that he is writing his entire car payment off on his taxes because of this miniature broadcaster on the back of his vehicle. I also frown upon the fact that his particular message is in exciting red letters on a pastel car, so your eye is immediately drawn to it. On top of that, once you're staring at this electronic train wreck you have to squint because, while this fine citizen was willing to spring for the technology to turn his license plate into the bottom of a twenty four hour news channel, he was not willing to make it larger than a standard 20 point font. The biggest problem I have with this gentleman, however, is that IT'S A SHORT MESSAGE. For God's sake, man! That will fit on a bumper sticker! You almost made me crash my car, slow down enough to read whatever you thought was so important that you purchased a NEWS TICKER to tell the universe about, causing whoever had the unfortunate role of being the driver behind me to slam on his brakes (without the benefit of learning that he, too, can turn to God, in the event that somehow, in this primarily Judeo-Christian country, he was never informed through one medium or another of God's love), which certainly caused some sort of chain reaction of road rage that ruined the commute home of many. All for a message, that's maybe a sentence and a half long, that you found a previously inconceivable method of making a 3 minute reading exercise.

In summation, you have created a situation where eye damage, mass confusion, road rage and potential vehicular manslaughter are all just waiting to happen every time you go to the grocery store or anywhere else because you mistook your Cadillac for a myspace page and put a de facto glitter banner on the back. Nice work.